If you're like most of the women I work with, you take pride in being capable. Independent. The one who figures it out, who gets it done, who doesn't need to lean on anyone. You're a leader, and leaders handle things themselves.

I want to gently challenge that today.

The myth of the lone wolf

"I can do it" is true. It's powerful, even... But "I can do it alone" is a different claim entirely. And it's not actually true for any of us, not even the most capable person you know.

Think back through every success you've had. You learned from textbooks written by people who spent years learning it first. Teachers guided you. When you started a new job, someone trained you, onboarded you, showed you where things were. As you climbed, you had mentors. And eventually you had teams working with you, because nobody becomes a VP without people supporting the work.

You've never actually done this alone. Not once. Independence, in the way we usually picture it, was never real.

So why does the dream feel like it has to be solo?

Because reaching for something new, something outside your comfort zone, feels vulnerable enough without adding other people into the mix. It feels safer to figure it out privately, through willpower and journaling and sheer determination, than to ask for help and risk being seen struggling.

But doing it alone is the harder path. It's reinventing a wheel that other people have already built, tested, and refined. Doing it with others means you get to borrow what they've already learned, get momentum from watching them move, and maybe most importantly, get to redefine what feels normal.

Why the group matters more than it seems

When you're surrounded by other women stretching themselves, trying unfamiliar things, not taking failure personally… that becomes the new normal. Your survival instinct notices those around you. And it starts to relax. Because the edge you're stepping toward doesn't look dangerous anymore. It looks like something other people have already gone through. It’s no longer an edge to the unknown.

Secondly, connection is what we're wired for as human beings… But it's also how we've been hurt before. And that's exactly why protecting yourself by staying solo feels safer. So that instinct to isolate is a block on its own, quietly working against you.

Because letting people help you isn't a departure from your strength. It's a continuation of everything that's already gotten you this far.

I go deeper into this idea in this video: [Watch: Cost of Independence]